Beast VS Goliath
  • Current
  • Original
Season 2
Overall Episode 47
Season Episode 22
Air date May 20th, 2015
Written by Ben Singer
Animated by Mali De'lisser
Episode link Rooster Teeth
Episode guide
Iron Man VS Lex Luthor
Solid Snake VS Sam Fisher

Beast VS Goliath is the 47th episode of DEATH BATTLE. It stars the monstrous societal rejects Beast from Marvel's X-Men and Goliath from Gargoyles.


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X-Men vs Gargoyles! These monstrous heroes are shunned by the very people they've sworn to protect. Now they battle each other to the death!


(*Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston*)

Wiz: Some of the greatest heroes of all are shunned by the very people they continue to protect.

Boomstick: Basically, the worst deal ever.

Wiz: Like Beast, the blue genius of the X-Men.

Boomstick: And Goliath, the Gargoyle who gives new meaning to the phrase "tough as stone". He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick...

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.


(*Cues: X-Men (2000) - Main Theme*)

Wiz: Mutation. The key to evolution. The process is slow, normally taking thousands of years, but every few hundred millennia, evolution leaps forward.

Boomstick: If that means we're all eventually going to transform into blue hairy monkey men, count me out!

(*Cues: X-Men: Days of Future Past - Hope*)

Wiz: Feared by most normal people, mutants generally begin to show signs of their....uniqueness...around puberty. Not so for Hank McCoy.

Boomstick: Yeah, the instant he popped out it was pretty clear that something was different about him. Namely the giant monkey hands and feet. Ooh, that must've been rough on the way out! He'd better give dear old mom double the presents on Mother's Day!

Wiz: Though Hank successfully hid his mutation from the world throughout his adolescent life, he was eventually discovered, and shunned. Constantly harassed and eventually kicked out of his own school, he was left to wallow in loneliness.

Boomstick: Until Good Ol' Wheels showed up and offered him a place on the mutant group known as the X-Men. Hank took on the nickname that was previously used to degrade him and transformed it into something new: his codename, the Beast.

(*Cues: X-Men (1992) Cartoon - Main Theme*)

Boomstick: As an X-Man, Beast became an integral member of this uncanny team. His superhuman strength, speed, and durability let him go toe-to-toe with baddies like the immovable Blob and Kraven the Hunter!

Wiz: But Beast was a genius, like yours truly, and quickly completed his doctoral studies, eventually leaving the X-Men, he became a leading researcher in mutant genetics. Desperate to "cure" the mutant phenomenon, Beast developed a serum which he theorized would temporarily counteract the mutated genes in his body.

Boomstick: Except it kind of did the opposite. Poor guy... now he truly was a beast. This transformation wasn't all bad though! Fuzzy Beast could now lift over 10 tons, run over 40 mph, and jump over 25 feet in the air.

(*Cues: X-Men: Legends - Magma's Danger Room Test (Action)*)

Wiz: He also had a wicked healing factor, which made him essentially bullet-proof... but this was nerfed dramatically from healing instantaneously to over a couple of hours when Quasimodo's experiments turned him blue.

Boomstick: For a scientific genius, he never did quite figure out how to turn back to his old self. I mean he's been able to turn into a cat man, a horse man, blue Kelsey Grammer, and even Sasquatch. Somehow he always ends up as his classic blue ape self.

Wiz: Now unable to hide in plain sight, Beast had little choice but to return to the X-Men, as a teacher and a leader.

Beast: As my research makes evident, it is possible to enhance the intelligence of molluscs cephalopoda, such as the squid, to the same level as that of the average human. Even a little... above average. I'm afraid I must leave early, so I'll hand you over to my new teaching assistant, Mr. Cephalopod.

The class giggles and then laughs out loud.

Mr. Cephalopod: Calm down, everyone! Now where were we?

The class is stunned.

Mr. Cephalopod: Ah yes, the neuron aspects of cognitive intellgence...were there any questions?

(*Cues: Unknown Theme*)

Boomstick: Beast isn't just a genius. He's also a ridiculously strong fighter. He has survived hits from the Juggernaut, smashed open a tank with his bare fists, hit the ground with a punch so hard he created an earth-shattering shockwave... and lifted a solid gold oak tree.

Wiz: A cubic foot of gold weighs aproximately one ton. Comparing the diameter of the tree to Hank's height, it's reasonable to believe that this golden tree weighs at least 60 tons.

Boomstick: Or a shit ton to be precise.

Wiz: Despite his athletic skill and enormous strength, Beast is a pacifist, preferring diplomacy over fisticuffs. He is rarely eager to enter a fight. In combat, he usually relies on his teammates to throw punches while he holds back to come up with game-winning strategies using his brilliant mind... like the time he figured out how to use Juggernaut's own bulk against him.

(*Cues: X-Men Legends - New York City (Quiet)*)

Beast: As Archimedes said when he discovered the principle of displacement... eureka.

Boomstick: But when he gets angry, he'll enter a rage which makes him so uncontrollably fierce, he's a danger even to his closest friends, literally unleashing the beast within.

Wiz: Beast's monstrous appearance remained a permanent part of his life. He was never truly accepted by society and even had to leave the woman he loved for fear she would become a target of mutant haters.

Boomstick: But if he could have his way, he would spend his days hanging from the ceiling with a nice cup of tea, reading Shakespeare... but we don't always get what we want, so he'll have to settle for kickin' ass.

Beast: "With faint heart, averted feet, and many a tear, in our opposive path to persevere". A minor poet for a minor obstacle.


(*Cues: Gargoyles - Intro Theme*)

Wiz: One thousand years ago, superstition and the sword ruled. It was a time of darkness. It was a world of fear. It was the age of gargoyles.

Boomstick: And badass cartoon intros!

Wiz: Stone by day, warriors by night, gargoyles used to be common throughout the world. Like the stone statues they inspired, gargoyles were known as protectors. Guarding their home and those inside were always their top priority.

Boomstick: It's not every day your garden statue is also your top-billed bodyguard, otherwise, I'd have a shitload more lawn gnomes.

Wiz: In the year 994 A.D., a clan of gargoyles formed a symbiotic relationship with the humans of a Scottish castle. Using their superhuman strength, keen senses, and warrior's spirit, these gargoyles defended the castle from invaders at night. In return, their human allies would watch over them during the day, when they are most vulnerable, as gargoyles turn to solid stone in daylight.

Boomstick: The gargoyles were lead by Goliath, a creature with a voice so sexy, it makes humans turn to stone. If you know what I'm sayin'.

Goliath: You are trespassing.

(*Cues: Gargolyes - Suite 1 *)

Wiz: Unfortunately, due to their beastly appearance, Goliath's clan eventually faced unjust prejudice from the very humans under their protection.

Princess Katharine: We are most seriously displeased to allow beasts in the dining hall.

Magus These are unnatural creatures. No good can come from associating with them.

Boomstick: If that wasn't bad enough, Goliath was betrayed by his closest human friend, causing nearly his entire clan to be smashed to bits. Then the few who did survive were magically sealed in stone forever by a misinformed wizard. Talk about a shitty Monday.

Wiz: Sealed in stone forever, or until one very specific, seemingly impossible criteria was met...

Magus: The terms of the spell were that they would sleep... until the castle rises above the clouds.

Wiz: And when he says 'above the clouds', he means it literally. So, stone they remained for a thousand years, until in 1994...

("Cues: Gargoyles - Suite 2*)

Boomstick: Some billionare with a name that sounds like an anti-depressant just happened to be crazy enough to try something. Xanatos moved every last stone of the ancient castle to the top of his New York skyscraper, which happened to poke above the clouds.

Wiz: The cost of which must have been astronomical!

Xanatos: Don't disappoint me...

(Goliath wakes up from his statue state to the surprise of Xanatos and roars)

(*Cues: Gargoyles - Suite 1 again*)

Wiz: The curse was broken, the gargoyles awoke once again, and Goliath was tasked with leading his clan into the modern world. Despite being completely out of his element, Goliath adapted surprisingly fast.

(*Cues: Gargolyes - Suite 2 again*)

Boomstick: You mean he was texting and watching cat videos in no time?

Wiz: No. This was the 90's.

Boomstick: Oh, so he wore crazy colored clothing and used non-nonsensical description words like bodacious, radical, or...

Goliath: Jalepena...

Lexington: Jalapena...

Broadway: Jalapena...

Brooklyn: Jalapena...

Elisa Maza: Jalapena...

Goliath: Jalapena...

Hudson: Jalapena...

Broadway hands Goliath a jalapeno pepper and he eats it, to which he shortly is overwhelmed by its heat.

Goliath: Jalepena! *echoes*

Boomstick: Damn it.

(*Cues: Gargoyles - Suite 1 again*)

Wiz: Turns out Goliath was naturally suited to traverse the broad expanse of the city with his enormous wings. Though to be clear, Goliath insists that he can't fly; only glide on the wind.

Boomstick: Which I insist is bullshit. What else would you call what's happening here other than freakin' flying?

Wiz: Regardless of wind direction and speed, it seems Goliath has no trouble "gliding" wherever he wants to go. He only has issue taking off from the ground, requiring an elevated point to start from.

Boomstick: Good thing he can scale giant skyscrapers from ground level without breaking a sweat. Goliath is strong enough to lift a car, create a small earthquake, and tear through steel with his bare claws like it was wet paper.

Wiz: He's fast enough to keep pace with foes who use rocket-propelled flight and he's tough enough to survive a fall over 100 feet.

Boomstick: He was even able to keep "gliding" after being shot by a Nazi plane's machine gun while fighting in World War 2. He traveled through time. It was weird.

Wiz: Goliath may look like a brutal monster and he certainly can be when he goes into a rage. However, he's actually rather clever and wise. He was able to outsmart Oberon, who is practically an all-powerful magical god. And when Goliath's not leading his clan into battle or struggling to have a relationship with a human detective...

Boomstick: Boundaries!

Wiz: He's usually held up in his castle's library reading.

Boomstick: Wise and powerful, Goliath is a true force of nature... for 12 hours of the day.

Wiz: Right. The other 12, he is a motionless stone statue, making him a pretty easy target. Even when he's awake, Goliath often puts himself in danger for the sake of others, regardless of the risk.

Boomstick: Hey, he's managed to survive for over a thousand years and believe me when I say you do not want to be on this gargoyle's bad side.

Goliath: My name is Goliath and I belong to no one.

Halcyon Renard: Stop... whining.

Goliath: A gargoyles doesn't whine. He roars!

Goliath's eyes turn white and he easily tears off the metal gate that had imprisoned him, then swings it into two robots nearby.

Death Battle

In daylight, the sun slowly begins to fall as Goliath is frozen in place on the rooftop of a building as Beast stands further away on the same roof. Eventually, the sun sinks, night falls, and the moon emerges. With that, the stone around Goliath begins to crack.

(*Cues: Gargoyles - Main Theme*)

Goliath breaks free and roars. Shortly afterward, he senses someone near him

(*Cues: X-Men (2000) - The X-Jet*)

and turns toward Beast, who prepares for a fight.


(*Cues: X-Men Mutant Academy 2 - The X-Jet*)

Goliath leaps at Beast, but is caught by him, slammed into the ground, bounced upward, slashed twice, then forced to the ground once more. He breaks free by striking Beast with his tail, leaps into the air, then strikes with a slash. Beast punches him soon afterward and leaps into the air.

Beast: Prepare to be thrashed.

He flies at Goliath like a cannonball and kicks him, causing him to hit the ground, then fall off of the building. In mid-fall, Goliath uses his wings to slow down his descent, but Beast lands on his back.

Beast: Runt!

Beast punches him three times before Goliath forces the two into a nearby building, knocking Beast off of him while also managing to grab onto the building with his claws. Beast managed to do the same as Goliath begins climbing up the building. Beast roars and leaps upward, managing to strike a few times before Goliath counter-attacks. Goliath then leaps upward and glides straight into Beast, who then proceeds to bite Goliath and then grabs onto him, causing the two to spin in mid-air before striking him downward. Goliath crashes into the pavement below as Beast lands behind a parked van. Shortly after Goliath gets up and roars, Beast grips onto the vehicle.

Beast: Come on!

He then pushes it straight toward Goliath at high speed, who stands his ground and stops it shortly after being pushed back by it. Goliath tears the front cover of the van and tosses it at Beast, then proceeds to leap onto the van and off it. Beast leaps forward and manages to tear the front of the van in two, to which Goliath glides toward him and slams into him. Beast rolls upward and toward the ground uncontrollably as Goliath gracefully glides behind him, then slams into him once more, holding him down while also dragging him across the pavement. Goliath slashes at Beast, drawing blood, then slashes at him nine more times. He then impales his arms into Beast, then tears them right out, separating the top half of Beast from his bottom half. Goliath raises his wings and bloodied hands, then roars.


Beast's body lies in a trash can while Goliath makes it to the top of his tower, bloodied and all, while carrying Beast's head as the sun rises, turning him to stone.


(*Cues: Gargoyles Theme - Metal Cover*)

Boomstick: They never show you that shit on 90's cartoons!

Wiz: Beast and Goliath were pretty even in terms of strength and speed, making this more so a battle of wit and experience. Beast was always more of a team player, preferring not to fight directly unless absolutely necessary.

Boomstick: And since Goliath spent decades defending his ancient castle and New York from vikings, thugs, magic beings, and ghosts, his combat experience trumped Beast's.

Wiz: Also be careful not to misinterpret Beast's golden tree feat. While it might sound far more impressive than anything Goliath has done, Beast did not actually lift the whole 60+ ton tree off the ground. It's nothing surpassing his usual feats.

Boomstick: And one time, Goliath got nailed in the back by an anti aircraft round. That's right! Goliath got shot by a gun designed to destroy airplanes, got back up, and dropped a radio tower on the fools that tried it.

Wiz: And Beast didn't wait till sunrise for an advantage for two reasons: One, he didn't know what would happen because gargoyles in his universe don't share the stone-by-day rule, and second, Beast isn't tough enough to stand against Goliath for twelve hours straight. Finally, Beast has fought somebody similar to Goliath named the Griffin, and only survived the fight due to his fellow X-Man Angel's help.

Boomstick: In the end, Beast just didn't have the heart to keep up with the gargoyle.

Wiz: The winner is Goliath.


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