|Donkey Kong VS Knuckles|
|Air date||August 12th, 2015|
|Written by||Nick Cramer|
|Animated by||Samuel "Zack" Watkins|
|Episode link|| Rooster Teeth |
Goku VS Superman 2
Wolverine VS Raiden
They're guardians of treasure... punching powerhouses... and really, really dumb. Who wins in a battle to the death?
(*Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston*)
Wiz: Guardians of treasure, champions of justice.
Boomstick: And proof that if you've got enough brute strength, you don't need to be smart to kick some serious ass.
Wiz: Donkey Kong, defender of the world's largest banana hoard.
Boomstick: And Knuckles the Echidna, guardian of the all-powerful Master Emerald.
Wiz: We've already established that Mario and Sonic-related power-up's counter each other, for example, DK's Strong Kong could counter Hyper Knuckles, so for this fight, we'll be sticking to the bare essentials.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
(*Cues: DK 64: DK Isle Orchestral Remix*)
Wiz: Now this is the law of the jungle. As old and as true as the sky, the ones that shall keep it may prosper...
Boomstick: But the ones who touch Donkey Kong's banana hoard must die! See? I know literature. Well, the parts about killing, anyway.
Wiz: Long ago, an illegal pet gorilla famously did battle with his abusive owner atop a construction site.
Boomstick: The ape's name was Donkey Kong, and the conflict didn't go so well for him.
Wiz: After escaping, he fled to a remote island with his son, also named Donkey Kong. His son would later bear a child destined to rule the island. This powerful ape was named... you guessed it, Donkey Kong...
Boomstick: Being a gorilla, Donkey Kong naturally LOVES bananas.
Wiz: No no no no no. Real gorillas primarily eat plants, like stems and bamboo shoots, and sometimes termites to fight diarrhea.
Boomstick: Too much info, Wiz. Well, this gorilla loves bananas so much that he's hoarded hundreds for himself. And if someone tries to take away any of his delicious golden treasures, may God help them.
Wiz: And yet, his enemies have been bold enough to steal his entire stockpile several times. Right out from under his nose. That's what happens when you hog every banana on the island to yourself, just basic supply and demand.
Boomstick: Donkey Kong weighs 800 pounds and stands about eight feet tall. That's almost twice as big as a normal gorilla. He spends his afternoons as if he were a Florida native, by finding ways to kill crocodiles, such as crushing them with his sheer weight, chucking barrels at 'em like his old man, or just straight up punching them to death.
Wiz: The strength this ape wields is so tremendous, his very palms can shake the earth. And his trademark Giant Punch can send his victims flying beyond the horizon.
Boomstick: But just because he's strong, doesn't mean he's slow. He can unleash a flurry of blows so fast, he ignites the hydrogen in the air, creating explosions!
Wiz: This is similar to a meteor catching fire while falling through the atmosphere... at 25,000 miles per hour.
Boomstick: I'm telling you, Wiz. It's only a matter of time before the apes take over.
(*Cues: The DK Rap - Donkey Kong 64*)
Wiz: While common gorillas have impressed the scientific community by using basic tools, Donkey Kong is a little beyond that.
Boomstick: Yeah! He's got a shotgun! Like, I know it looks like he's just carrying around a log, but no, seriously, it's a boomstick that Funky Kong somehow made out of a tree, that fires concussive homing coconuts!
Wiz: It can fire in spurts and if he shoots ya, it's gonna hurt. At least, that's what the DK Rap tells us, but what it doesn't tell us is that the series of grunts you hear from the Kongs is actually them speaking their own language.
Boomstick: Really? I wonder what he's saying...
Donkey Kong: BANANA SLAMMA!
Donkey Kong: BANANA SLAMMA!
Donkey Kong: BANANA SLAMMA!
Robo-DK: BANANA SLAMMA!
Donkey Kong: BANANA SLAMMA!
Donkey Kong: BANANA SLAMMA!
Wiz: Mostly just that, sometimes he sings too.
Donkey Kong: (singing) From uptop of the White Mountains, your glory rises high to the skyyyyyy...! (Episode: To The Moon Baboon)
Boomstick: What the hell?! Okay, I know I watched some of this show, but I do not remember there being any musical numbers, like, at all!
Wiz: Oh, there were two in every episode, forty episodes in all, your brain likely shut down watching to protect your fragile consciousness.
Donkey Kong: (singing) I'd shower you with coconut cream pies.... (Episode: Raiders of the Lost Banana)
Boomstick: Good one, brain, I owe you a beer.
(*Cues: Title Screen - Donkey Kong Jungle Beat*)
Wiz: Donkey Kong has done some ridiculous things. With a clap of his hands, he can create a shockwave strong enough to shatter meteors, also, I exaggerate nothing when I say he ate an entire plantation of bananas in a single afternoon.
Boomstick: He's agile enough to dodge arrows on a narrow ledge, and tough enough to survive point blank explosions, multiple times!
Wiz: But most impressively, after surviving an explosion that launched him into orbit, he used a fully charged Giant Punch to send a moon careening into the planet.
Boomstick: He apparently expands his power by using both his bananas, and...his body hair, like a monkey Burt Reynolds. If he gets a haircut, though, he loses his power, and looks really weird.
(*Cues: Super Smash Bros 64 - Kongo Jungle*)
Wiz: Wow....I....wow...well, perhaps DK's cranial deformity is linked to his greatest weakness, you see, Donkey Kong is kind of an idiot.
Boomstick: We're talking about an ape who didn't realize he was following his own treasure map, until after he found the bananas it led to.
Wiz: Or, while suffering from amnesia, a pirate crocodile was able to convince him that he was a crocodile, through song and dance. Donkey Kong joined in, singing about physical features he clearly does not possess.
Boomstick: He's also just as lazy as he is stupid. One time, he and Diddy were making a killing selling frozen coconuts and could've had all the bananas they ever wanted, but the simple task of just cracking coconuts open all day was too strenuous for the big ape, so he sold the business for a couple measly bananas.
Wiz: Bananas are the only motivator that seem to work on DK, but they're also the only one he needs to bring out the big guns.
Boomstick: If something separates him from his precious fruit stockpile, someone is going to die.
(Donkey Kong Country - Hunka Hunk Burnin' Bluster)
King K. Rool: Nothing's stopping me this time!
Donkey Kong: Not a doin', you're gonna stop, because that's what you do when you're faced with an irresistible force!
(He punches K. Rool, sending him flying)
Knuckles the Echidna
(*Cues: Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric Main Theme*)
Wiz: 4000 years ago, the echidna race thrived due to their advanced technology and talent for warfare.
Boomstick: Now that's what I call a pet!, I know what i'm picking up at the pet store on the way home!
Wiz: Just a heads up, the males have four heads on their penises.
Boomstick: What.....? AWESOME!
Wiz: Desperate for the power to command the world, the Knuckles tribe staged a raid to obtain the legendary power of the Master Emerald.
Boomstick: What they didn't know is that it was protected by a giant, murderous water dragon with tentacles named Chaos, and it just killed the shit out of them.
Wiz: Miraculously, a young echidna girl survived, and managed to seal Chaos inside the Master Emerald. The resulting energy output ripped the echidnas' home into the sky to become Angel Island, perpetually floating so long as the emerald remained in it's shrine. Sonic lore everybody...
Boomstick: Centuries later, one final descendant of the Knuckles clan remained and his name was.... Knuckles.
(*Cues: Unknown from M.E. - SA2 Version*)
Boomstick: So, not the most creative parenting in the world but hey. Knuckles is the lone guardian of the Master Emerald, dedicating his entire life to protecting the family jewel. Ha! But he spends most of his days sleeping and doing nothing, because really, who's gonna fly up all the way up to a tiny, floating island just to steal a rock?
Wiz: Why the nefarious Dr. Eggman of course. As a ploy, Eggman convinced Knuckles that a certain blue hedgehog and a fox with two tails planned to steal the Master Emerald. Knuckles left to stop the thieves, and Eggman swiped the gem for himself.
Boomstick: Not the sharpest head on the dick, is he?
Wiz: Without its energy source, Angel Island plummeted out of the sky, until Sonic the Hedgehog literally beat the sense into Knuckles and together, they saved the day, forming a tense bromance.
Rouge: Sounds like you've got an inferiority complex.
Knuckles: Huh? I have a what?
Rouge: Oh, nothing. Never mind Knuckles...
Boomstick: Since then, Knux has continued to try to guard the emerald. However most people who try to steal it... do. But luckily for ol' rad red he can track the Master Emerald using his treasure hunting skills.
Wiz: And his special bond with the gem, which allows him to detect its presence and harness some of its power. Which he can focus through the ancient martial art passed down through the Knuckles clan.
Boomstick: The ancient art of "punch the crap out of everything!" No, really. That's the answer to every single problem Knuckles has. Something in the way? Punch it! Need to climb a cliff? Punch it! Falling down a trap? Punch it! Punching not working for some reason? You f***ing know he punches it more!
(We see him punch through a wall)
Rouge: You're taking this breaking and entering business way too literally.
(*Cues: Knuckles' Theme - Sonic and Knuckles*)
Wiz: Speaking of which, Knuckles can throw punches so extreme, they create explosions by igniting hydrogen in the air.
Boomstick: Sounds familiar...
Wiz: Knuckles is fast, capable of running at least 100 miles per hour. He can also take to the sky and glide. Reportedly by trapping air underneath his dreadlocks, although there's no logical way those locks are aerodynamic enough to keep him airborne.
Boomstick: Hey it's better than a tanooki flying with it's nutsack. Then again he could just be twirling his di-
(*Cues: Babylon Garden - Sonic Riders*)
Wiz: Annd with the spikes on his fists, Knuckles can effortlessly dig through dirt and rock, add on his attachable Shovel Claws and he can even tunnel through solid metal.
Boomstick: With arms that stringy, it makes you wonder where all this strength comes from.
Wiz: Well, his connection with the Master Emerald is responsible for much of his more absurd attributes, like gliding and punching explosions.
Boomstick: Knux can shatter boulders, dodge machine guns, ride atop flying jets and missiles like skateboards, oh, and he can breathe in space.
Wiz: He's matched and even trumped Sonic in battle, runs fast enough to cut holes in the ground, is strong enough to uproot massive trees.... (We see him throw a huge robot)
Boomstick: Hell, he's strong enough to throw this!
Wiz: With a single punch, he can trigger a volcanic eruption. Doing so requires displacing pressure in a volcano's magma chamber, at minimum, this can sit around 3,280 ft or 1 kilometer below the Earth's surface. Knuckles had to have punched the ground with at least 3.9 megatons of force, over three times more powerful then the highest yield bomb in the US nuclear stockpile.
(*Cues: Unknown from M.E. - SA1 Version*)
Boomstick: That's cute, how about the time he punched the moon? One day, Eggman blew up half the moon, and rebuilt it into a robot moon, because, well, he gets off on that shit.
Wiz: Via remote control, Eggman actually changed the moon's orbit to create a never ending eclipse.
Boomstick: But never fear, Knuckles just dove out into outer space and punched the remote control into dust, causing an explosion visible from Earth.
Wiz: And returning the moon to its normal orbit.
Boomstick: But having these abilities isn't enough to let him win every time, especially when his biggest obstacle is his own brain.
Wiz: Knuckles is illiterate, doesn't know left from right, and one time, didn't realize until too late that he was eating a napkin.
Boomstick: Hey, give credit where its due, Wiz, when he did figure it out, he stuck to his guns and finished every bite of that damn napkin. Its dinner and clean up at the same time!
Wiz: He hardly ever strategizes before combat, preferring to run in swinging.
Boomstick: Hey, whatever works.
Wiz: It doesn't, well, not all the time, and despite being mortal enemies, Dr. Eggman has duped Knuckles into allying with him on multiple occasions. It's happened so often by now, you have to wonder who's side he's really on.
Boomstick: Hey, his fists can blow the top off a volcano, so why waste precious time on things like reasoning?
Amy: What a dreamboat!
(Both her and Sticks hug Knuckles)
Sonic: I wanna be just like you when I grow up.
Tails: Knuckles, you've been elected governer!
Knuckles: All in a day's work.
(Knuckles flies into orbit heroically)
Sonic: (in reality) Hey, that's not how it...
(*Cues: Guilty Gear Xrd - Django Django*)
Knuckles is seen gliding around DK Island when his stomach starts growling. He sees Donkey Kong's banana hoard and flies down towards it. He picks up one of the bananas and starts eating it but it turns out DK is right behind him watching. He notices DK's angry face but finishes it anyways. DK knocks out the rest of the banana hoard and angrily roars while pounding his chest.
Donkey Kong attacks first by launching his fist to Knuckles, but Knuckles steps to the side, avoiding Donkey Kong's first attack. DK tries to squish Knuckles by slamming his palm on top of Knuckles, but ends up missing as Knuckles avoids again. Donkey Kong gets furious, repeatedly and rapidly slamming his fists/palms to the ground, but Knuckles avoids every swing.
Donkey Kong then leaps forward, trying to pounce on Knuckles and strangle him. However, Knuckles safely gets out of DK's attacks unharmed, as Donkey Kong still tries to attack in his current area. Donkey Kong then gets dizzy after his attack, leaving him vulnerable.
Knuckles uses his advantage by punching Donkey Kong's stomach, next doing an uppercut to lose Donkey Kong's balance, slamming both fists on Donkey Kong's head, and finally doing a blow on Donkey Kong's torso, knocking DK backwards onto a coconut tree.
Due to Knuckles' tremendous force, a coconut hits DK's head once he was slammed into the coconut tree. Donkey Kong gets an idea about his next plan of attack.
As Knuckles was laughing at Donkey Kong, Knuckles was also hit by a coconut.
Knuckles: Oh no! (Note: he says this whenever he gets hit with a coconut so you get the picture when it says it)
Knuckles notices that DK is swinging on a vine, shooting homing coconuts with his Coconut Shooter. Several coconuts are flying at Knuckles' head, but Knuckles quickly ducks. As he notices more coconuts are coming, Knuckles quickly reacts, evading all the coconuts shot by Donkey Kong. After Knuckles dodges all of his coconuts, he does a quick celebration.
Knuckles: All right!
All of the homing coconuts turn back once Knuckles evaded them. Knuckles was then hit by one of the coconuts on the back of his head. Knuckles realizes the all of the coconuts are aiming at himself at the same time. Knuckles was preparing to evade, but Donkey Kong charges in and punches Knuckles upward to the air, but the homing coconuts missed Knuckles.
After Knuckles recovers, he jumps on DK's head, then constantly punches Donkey Kong's torso. Donkey Kong recovers from Knuckles's blows, then tries to slam him with his own hand, but misses as usual. Once Knuckles evaded, a coconut hit Knuckle's head. Donkey Kong uses this time to crush Knuckles with his foot, but ends up knocking Knuckles backward, along with more homing coconuts hitting Knuckles in the head.
Knuckles spins, grabbing a few of Donkey Kong's homing coconuts, then throws it at Donkey Kong's head, successfully hitting him. Knuckles is hit by another coconut, noticing more coconuts are aiming toward him. Knuckles hits a coconut, knocking it back towards another coconut, and repeats a few more times. The homing coconuts was then launched up to the air as Donkey Kong looks.
Knuckles runs away to prevent from being hit by any more coconuts. Suddenly, Donkey Kong emerges out of a bush and head-butts Knuckles, making him stuck on the ground. Knuckles was hit by two more homing coconuts, becoming annoyed with them. Donkey Kong charges up his punch, then tries to slam Knuckles while he was stuck, creating a blast of wind that almost knocks the trees.
After Donkey Kong released the powerful slam, Donkey Kong realizes Knuckles is gone. Donkey Kong crouches, then peeks in the hole Knuckles made, scratching his head to wonder where is Knuckles. As DK stands up, after giving up from finding Knuckles, Knuckles punches DK in the back, making Donkey Kong slam into the ground, then he digs into the ground to hide.
As Donkey Kong recovers from the surprise attack, Knuckles then continues digging and popping out of the ground for multiple surprise attacks on DK. Donkey Kong then starts slamming the ground, which disrupts and destroys Knuckles' paths. Knuckles then digs back to the surface and runs around Donkey Kong, making DK notice him. The ground collapses under DK, making him fall down to the pit.
Knuckles: Hmph, not as strong as you thought you were!
Knuckles then gets hit with the last homing coconut and falls into the pit as well.
DK lands on a minecart safely, but the minecart tilts, then ends up riding along the rails. Knuckles glides along the cavern, preparing to strike. Knuckles charges in, preparing to punch DK's face, but Donkey Kong punches Knuckles' fist, blocking the attack. Donkey Kong tries to punch him next, but the minecart is constantly switching railings.
Knuckles gets in Donkey Kong's minecart and attempts to strangle him, both now in a tight struggle. As the two continue their fight, they notice the railing is incomplete, leading to nowhere. As soon as they realize it, they both hug each other, screaming in fear. After the minecart falls out of the railing, Knuckles clutches onto the cavern wall, with Donkey Kong clutching onto Knuckles' waist.
Knuckles tries punching his fists in to stay on the wall, but due to Donkey Kong's huge weight, it starts to pull Knuckles down. DK tries slapping the wall to keep onto the wall, but Knuckles ignites the hydrogen in the air, creating an explosion on his fist. Knuckles continuously punches the wall in order to stay in, but his solution failed, as both fall down from the wall and creating a rockslide inside the cavern.
As Donkey Kong stops grabbing Knuckles waist, he instead claps both hands around Knuckles (shouting his final "Oh no!"), squashing him like a fly and spurting blood all over Donkey Kong's palms. The cavern collapses, creating a large crater that is formed on the island.
On a nearby mountain, Knuckles' arms come out of the ground, but it turns out they were severed from his body as the clap DK did on him killed him. DK tosses the arms aside and starts pounding his chest and roaring in victory.
DK starts rebuilding his banana hoard, while Knuckles' severed arms are hit with another coconut.
Wiz: Knuckles may have had the edge in speed and agility, but his stubborn strategy of rushing in only played in Donkey Kong's favor by keeping close and in range.
Boomstick: Both were tough enough to survive atmospheric re-entry and the vacuum of space, but only Donkey Kong has survived an explosion strong enough to launch him into orbit in the first place.
Wiz: Knuckles and DK may have punched moons but both feats are not precisely what they seem. The moon Donkey Kong punched belongs to the Mario universe, and is clearly smaller than our own moon, by comparing the size to that of Donkey Kong Island, we found this moon is approximately 2775 feet in diameter and weighs 9.9 quadrillion tons. Knocking out of orbit means DK punched it with a strike of over 3000 megatons of force.
Boomstick: So not quite as impressive as punching our real moon, but hey, still way better than what Knuckles can do. Knuckles only destroyed a receiver controlling the moon's flight path.
Wiz: And although the moon's orbit changed afterwards it's unreasonable to say Knuckles is responsible. He has no other feats supporting this outlier and the moon was previously established to move itself due to being... part robot now... Sonic lore.
Boomstick: Knuckles' speed wasn't enough when DK was just that much stronger and tough enough to take anything thrown at him. DK just wasn't echidna-ing around.
Wiz: The winner is Donkey Kong.
- The connections between Knuckles and Donkey Kong is that they are both dumb, but powerful allies of Mario and Sonic and usually spend their time protecting a precious treasure on an island (Donkey Kong's bananas, and Knuckles' Master Emerald). They also serve as rivals to both of them and they both typically fight with their fists. Both were initially enemies of Mario and Sonic before eventually becoming heroes.
- This is the third Super Mario vs. Sonic the Hedgehog themed battle. The first two were Mario VS Sonic and Luigi VS Tails.
- As well as the third Nintendo vs. Sega themed battle.
- This is the first time that the Mario character beats the Sonic character.
- It is also the first time that a Nintendo character won against a Sega character, followed by Mewtwo VS Shadow.
- Almost every time Knuckles gets hit in the battle, he says "Oh no". This is actually a sound file taken directly from Sonic Adventure, the only file that plays when Knuckles is hit. It has achieved memetic status among the Internet due to the Knuckles boss fight in that game and how easy it was to hurt Knuckles, making the sound file play frequently in the short battle.
- Recurring Joke: The "Oh no" sound is played every time Knuckles gets hit by a coconut ammunition.
- The last "Oh no" in the initial string of "Oh no"s is a pitch-altered Dr. Robotnik from the Sonic the Hedgehog OVA.
- Knuckles' said "Oh no" 14 times over the course of the entire battle.
- Despite being a part of the research team since Beast VS Goliath, this is the first episode to include LSwan and Hero's Shade in the credits of the show.
- Despite his equipment being added to his analysis, Knuckles doesn't seem to carry either the Shovel Claws nor the Power Gloves in the fight. This may due to limited sprite/budget.