|DEATH BATTLE! Rogue VS Wonder Woman|
Jan 17, 2011
DEATH BATTLE! : Goomba VS Koopa is the fourth episode of DEATH BATTLE! It features Goomba and Koopa from the Mario series. It aired on 17 January, 2011. It was sponsored by Audible.com, where users can download audiobooks for free.
Episode 4 - Mario's numerous enemies! The brainless, limbless Goomba battles the dim-witted Koopa in the most unnecessarily epic fight of all time! It's a duel to determine the best of the basic, but this brawl has some strange surprises in store...
The Mushroom Kingdom is a world that houses many strange and interesting creatures, like the Goomba, a walking brown mushroom with fangs. And the Koopa, that stupid Turtle who always gets himself killed! Every video game has its share of basic and less common enemies, and you can't get anymore common than these two. But which is the best of the worst? He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick! And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!
Death Battle AnalysisEdit
The Goombas used to be steadfast allies of the Mushroom Kingdom. After years of oppression due to their low intelligence and short stature, they betrayed their own mushroom brethren and became the backbone of Bowser's vast army. The Goomba's main combat strategy is just to walk directly into opponents. While this isn't the smartest thing to do, it takes some real spores if you know what I'm sayin'. Plus, they also have these vampire fangs, but they don't seem to use them, and thinking about it, why would a mushroom even have a mouth? When available, the Goomba will, use the green Goomba's Shoe to give the jump on his foes, easily able to hop over twelve feet in the air. Goombas can also sprout wings becoming Paragoombas, capable of barely sustained flight. And while flyin', the mushroom thing can bomb victims below with Micro-Goombas. You know you're a badass when you throw babies as weapons! The traditional Goomba may seem a useless pawn, but these troopers have been know to accomplish the impossible. What a minute, is that Goomba playing baseball? With no hands? Oh my God, it has telepathy powers! Telekinesis? No, it doesn't. Well, how's it holdin' it?! Goomba's are unwaveringly brave, never backing down from a fight and always ferociously charging into battle without hesitation. Though, sometimes their stubborn courage can backfire. Yeah, you'd think it would stop walking when impending death is directly in front of it. After dissecting a ...voluntary Goomba myself, I discovered it's brain to be less than half the size of an acorn, proving what we've always known. Goombas are fuckin' morons.
Bowser's second most common foot soldier is the Koopa Troopa, the Turtle Warrior. Like Ninja Turtles!? No, not Ninja Turtles. Awh... While the Goombas are the backbone, the Koopas are prevalent enough to have Bowser's army named the "Koopa Troop". Koopas have their own set of Paratroopa wings that can fly for several minutes with no problem. Koopas are also fairly skilled in Tennis, Baseball, Basketball and Go-kart driving. Are you sure it's not a Ninja turtle!? Their best offence is also their finest defence, the Koopa shell, made of a tough steel-like substance capable of withstanding over 200 pounds of pressure. As an offensive weapon, the Koopa shell can destroy almost anything! It's a living torpedo of pain! There seems to be a common misconception that it takes Mario two hits to kill a Koopa. Actually, it only takes one. There just happens to be this durable shell in the way. However, this leads to the Koopa's greatest weakness. When Mario jumps on a Koopa's back, rather than retaliating, it retreats into its shell. Why? 'Cause they're a bunch of Pussies! That's right, Boomstick. The Koopas are cowards, afraid to face a dangerous foe. Some run from danger but most just hide in their thick shell. Then again, if I were carrying an impenetrable fortress on my back and... some large italian man was trying to murder me, I'd probably hide in it too. But you'd think as soon as Mario picked up the shell, it would a perfect time to counter-attack, right? And even when they're flying after a good kick, they refuse to stick their feet out and stop themselves. Well... eh... ah, yeah, you're right, they're bitches.
The Koopa and the Goomba both sprout wings, becoming the Paratroopa and the Paragoomba. They take to the air and fly into each other 4 times. After flying in a circle, the Koopa tries to hit the Goomba by doing something similar to the Spindash from Sonic the Hedgehog, but misses. As the Goomba smiles, the Koopa ricochets of a wall and hits the Goomba, who falls under a Thwomp, which he manages to avoid, He also avoids 3 more Thwomps but gets hit again by the Koopa, who is squashed under a fifth Thwomp. The Goomba lands near a cannon, followed by the Koopa. As they both fly up, the cannons fire at them both. As they dodge the cannonballs and Bullet Bills, they trade a few blows. The Koopa tries to hit the Goomba using the trick he tried earlier, but mises and continuously ricochets of the walls again. When he stops, 6 Bullet Bills fly up, but the Goomba stops them by dropping Micro-Goombas onto them. After dodging 2 more Bullet Bills, the Goomba and Koopa are high in the air. As they fly into each other some more, the Angry Sun attacks the Goomba and the Koopa. While the Koopa successfully evades the Sun, the Goomba is hit and loses his wings. Luckily, he lands in a Kuribo's Shoe. As the Koopa descends, the Goomba hops towards his opponent in the shoe. The Koopa hides under a line of Breakable Blocks as the Goomba hops on the Blocks above him. The Koopa tries to escape by flying to the right then quickly flying into the pipe, but the Goomba hits the Koopa, knocking him into the Pipe. The Goomba hops after the Koopa, but gets attacked by a Piranha Plant emerging from the pipe. The Koopa (who lost his wings from the attack) come out the other end of the pipe, to meet a group of Red Goombas who live underground. The Goomba appears and hits the Koopa, causing him to hide in his shell. As the Red Goombas dance victoriously, the Goomba spots a pool of Lava near the Koopa. The Red Goombas continue to dance as the Goomba advances towards the Koopa and kicks him, causing him to slide towards the lava. Luckily, the pool of Lava is small enough for the Koopa to slide over it and hit a block, causing him to slide into the Goomba and the Red Goombas. Unfortunately, he also slides into a much larger pool of Lava, reducing him to a skeleton.
Oh man, I thought this was gonna suck! That was awesome! Who knew those little fuckers could fight like that!? The Goomba's arsenal proved effective enough, but its own stupidity became its downfall. Then the Koopa wussed out and kept to the safety of his shell, not stopping in time to avoid the Giant Pool of Lava Death! Even the Koopa's tough shell can't protect it from fire. You might say this battle really heated up in the end! This battle is a Draw.