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Yoshi VS Riptor
Episode 8, Season 1
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  • Updated
  • Original
Air date March 14th, 2011
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Yoshi VS Riptor is the eighth episode of DEATH BATTLE!, pitting two of gaming's most iconic dinosaurs, Yoshi of the Mario and Yoshi's Island against Killer Instinct's Riptor. the battle was sponsored by Squarespace.

Description

Screwattack

Episode 8 - Mario World VS Killer Instinct! Who has the biggest appetite for battle?

YouTube

Episode 8 - Mario World VS Killer Instinct! Who has the biggest appetite for battle? Will Yoshi, the adorable eating machine, survive a battle with Killer Instinct's genetically engineered killer dinosaur, Riptor? Or will ferocity win the day?

Interlude

(*Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston*)

Boomstick: Who doesn't like dinosaurs? No one, cause they're awesome?

Wiz: Like Yoshi, Mario's happy-go-lucky steed...

Boomstick: ... and Riptor, the Dino Warrior with a Killer Instinct.

Wiz: I'm Wizard and he's Boomstick and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Yoshi

(*Cues: Yoshi's Island - Flower Garden Theme*)

Wiz: Yoshi is a cheerful and friendly dinosaur who's race happens to be among Bowser's most hated enemies. Why?

Boomstick: 'Cause they're so God damn happy all the time!

Wiz: Yoshi is considered one of the fastest characters in the Mario universe and has a higher and stronger jump than Mario. Despite his cute and cheery demeaner, Yoshi's powerful enough to put down this goliath single-handedly. He's able to keep up with experienced fighters like Solid Snake, Link, and even previous Death Battle champion, Samus Aran.

Boomstick: And either he doesn't have any ears or he's really freaken' patient, 'cause he somehow put up with that whiny-ass Baby Mario!

Baby Mario cries.

Boomstick: If it were me, someone would've found him in a dumpster after the first level! Also ,while young Yoshis are dumb enough to run off cliffs, they learn quickly over time, eventually driving go-karts, playing sports and surviving the greatest death trap ever created: Mario Party!

Wiz: Yoshi has a large arsenal of eggs to use as lightweight projectiles and can even create a giant egg shell to use as an all-encompassing sheild.

Boomstick: What is it with creatures from the Mario universe using their babies as weapons? Is it that effective? I'm gonna have to test this out. Maybe some sort of Baby Launcher...

Wiz: Boomstick! That's a terrible idea! Any time you'd want to reload, you'd have to wait nine months. Anyway, Yoshi's greatest asset is his stomach.

Boomstick: Yeah, Yoshi's got a bad eating problem, and devours everything in sight with his long stretchy tongue. He can swallow almost anything, even fire.

Wiz: That's right, Boomstick. Yoshi has the strangest digestive system I've ever come across. Certain meals can grant him special abilities. Otherwise, after consuming a foe or item, Yoshi...uh...ejects an egg spawned from the subject. The egg may have special properties from said object, or contain the victim within.

Boomstick: Wait, is that how he makes eggs?! Are there any female Yoshis?

Wiz: I don't think they're male or female. Yoshis may be asexual.

Boomstick: That poor miserable creature.

Yoshi: "Oh ho ho, Yoshi got right stuff!"

Riptor

(*Cues: Riptor's Theme - Killer Instinct*)

Wiz: Riptor was genetically engineered by Ultratech to be the perfect combination of human intelligence and animal brutality.

Boomstick: His tools of death are his teeth, claws and impaling tail and he knows how to use them well, pulling off insanely bloody combos. And when he's not fighting up close, he can spit a fiery acid!

Wiz: Riptor's only 4 years old and yet, already, he's a nearly unstoppable killing machine.

Boomstick: That's one ass kicking toddler!

Wiz: He has reached a point where his human emotion and reasoning conflict with his predatory instincts, often confusing him to the blind point of rage and aggression.

Boomstick: Riptor may look, sound and act like a Velociraptor, but he's really something else entirely. He's twice as big and twice as slow and I don't think Velociraptors could shoot acid. They were awesome enough without it! With a limited amount of combat training, Riptor relies on his Raptor instincts in a fight. Raptors were pack hunters, preferring to plague their victims with stealth, speed and secrecy, though they were no pushovers by themselves. On their own, they usually just rush their opponent and overpower them with ultra combos, and if "Jurassic Park" has taught us anything, it's that Raptors are clever sons of bitches!

Wiz: Wow, Boomstick, I didn't know you knew so much about dinosaurs.

Boomstick: Yeah, I always wanted me a pet Raptor. I was gonna call him Barney after I found out what irony was.

Killer instinct announcer: "Supreme victory!" Riptor feasts on the remains of her prey.

Death Battle

(*Cues: Overworld Theme - Super Mario World*)

Yoshi is happily dancing when Riptor emerges from a pipe and roars, scaring Yoshi, who begins cowering.

FIGHT!

(*Cues: Yoshi's Island Theme - Super Smash Brothers Melee*)

Riptor begins by attacking Yoshi repeatedly and knocking him back.

Announcer: AWESOME COMBO!

As Riptor advances, Yoshi throws three eggs at her, but these do very little. Yoshi then forces out a large egg and throws it at Riptor, causing a baby Yoshi to appear.

Baby Yoshi: Yoshi!

Riptor attacks the baby Yoshi and bites its head off. Yoshi screams and runs off but is stopped by a Koopa Troopa. He eats the Koopa Troopa and spits him at Riptor, who deflects it but Yoshi protects himself with his egg shield. Riptor attacks the shield until it breaks and then proceeds to attack Yoshi some more, only for Yoshi to counter.

Announcer: C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

Yoshi Ground Pounds Riptor who spits acid at him but Yoshi eats the acid and traps it in an egg. He then throws the egg at Riptor, covering her face with acid. Riptor roars in pain and tries to attack Yoshi again but Yoshi eats her and forces her out as a giant egg.  As the egg falls off the cliff which Yoshi is standing next to, Riptor manages to break free, but all too late. Riptor falls down into a pink car with flame patterns on it with only her legs sticking out.

K.O.!

Results

(*Cues: Alpina Blue - Yoshi's Story*)

Boomstick: NOOO, my car!

Wiz: Yoshi couldn't compete with Riptor's tough and brutal visciousness, but his varied arsenal ultimately produced a winning move.

Boomstick: Riptor's a friggin' beast in a fist fight but while Yoshi looks all cute and stuff, he's actually a deadly devouring machine, like my ex-wife!

Wiz: That raptor mind of Riptor's might be cunning and clever but tooth and claw can only accomplish so much. Yoshi's bizarre digestive system rebounded the acid spit, blinding Riptor and leaving him vulnerable.

Boomstick: Riptor may be smart but Yoshi can drive cars and show me another dinosaur who can do that!

Wiz: Even with a velociraptor's strong sense of hearing and smell, Riptor's confused and vengeful mind wasn't able to process the change of tactics fast enough. Even so, he was already finished.

Boomstick: Even if that conveniently placed cliff hadn't had been there, Riptor would have lost his whole face pretty quick to the acid. He just didn't have the stomach for this dino - mite Dino - Fight. 

Wiz: What?

Boomstick: I'm clever!

Wiz: The winner is Yoshi.

Trivia

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